The Wallflower

“Alright, ‘will see you then”

Truth be told, she was not excited about the plan. Day by day, she was increasingly becoming unsocial. She wished people didn’t make plans for her. She wished people didn’t push her to be social. She wished she could say; “I know you guys are being nice, but fuck it I’m just gonna pack my bags and leave for a nice place where people don’t give a fuck about me.”

She couldn’t. On one hand she was not a people’s person. More often than not, she’d rather be alone and indulge in things that brought her peace of mind. But she was also aware that good friends are hard to find and harder to keep. She was not ready to say “I don’t need you, I can do by myself”. Not just yet.

She turned on her laptop and started doing what she had been doing for the last two weeks. She started looking up places she wanted to go instead. Like the Guerilla Trek, Rara Lake, ABC trek but she didn’t have enough time. She would need at least a ten days’ long leave. She could resign at work and just leave. Only she wasn’t ready to.

She turned the device off. She looked at the book shelf that she had not dared look at for the last two months. Earlier this year, she had made a resolution. Read at least 50 books. She had read 5 books and then stopped.

It was like a disease. Giving up came easily to her. Too easily. She gave up on people, places, feelings, and interests and needs too.

Her cheeks tightened, her heart felt heavy. She lay down to stare at the ceiling. A wall lizard stared back at her.

She wondered if the lizards complicated things like people did. She wondered if it was easier to not feel at all.


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